I am ok, have ups and downs, but then I come on here and am blown away by all the love and support I get from you all! I sure love each and everyone of you.

Well today I was going to go to mom’s and work on dad’s stuff, but mom called and just didn’t fell up to it. So we are gonna try again tomorrow. We HAVE to do it at some point.

It is all so overwhelming, not even sure where to go or how to go about a memorial service. I do have some ideas a friend emailed to me. But the problem is also very LITTLE money to work with.

Will be even less next month. Mom still gets dad’s pension and his SS# but not hers, so she will be losing about $400.00 a month. She will have to move to be able to make it. Seems so unfair, but that is the law. We wanted to move her to this complex, but the pet deposit for 2 cats is $400.00!! None of us have that.

Sooo, not sure how it will all work. Plus even the bare minimum of memorial expenses are high, even the obits? I may try and pay for the obit myself, when I get paid.

Plus, we would love to have my daughter come out for it, but again, no one has the money.

Well, God will have to take care of this.

I was feeling so overwhelmed today, I went to my church and prayed with one of the pastors. She reminded me of something I should have remembered. I need to stop saying ” I can’t do this” and remember that in Christ I can. His strength is made great thru our weakness.

Also she said that when I need a hug from my dad to ask God to give me one. That was so awesome. God is our heavenly father after all, so I’m sure He can meet that need.

Well, sorry for venting above. But I wanted to get it all out. I am determined to trust God in all of this ,and step back and let Him work.

Well as for me diet wise, eating some better, making more of an effort. And keeping up my workouts. Did not workout today, as this is my break day from workouts.

Thanks all of you who said I am strong, I sure don’t feel it, and if I am, I sure give God the glory.

Love you all, I will try and get some blogs read tonite and Sunday.

Oh and the coolest thing today? I went to see Nicole, and she is doing great after having her precious baby girl!

She says the baby is doing better too, and they hope to have her home soon!

Mom was here till yesterday. She is doing ok, her blood sugar is better sicne we went to the dr and he adjusted her insulin schedule.

We will have dad’s memorial the end of the month. Will give us time to get pics together and get his ashes back. There has been alot to do and numbers to call. I am off work till Monday.

Going to mom’s tomorrow to got thru dad’s things. We started to the the other day, and we just couldn’t.

I am ok, diet wise, have lost some of the weight I gained. My appetitite goes up and down.

Been working out though.

Thanks for your prayers and support. At least dad is at peace and not suffering. I feel him all around me.

Love you all, Kama

Pre Chorus:
So remember your people
Remember your children
Remember your promise, oh God

Chorus:
Your grace is enough.
Your grace is enough.
Your grace is enough.
Your grace is enough for me.

Verse 2:
Great is your love and justice God.
You use the weak to lead the strong.
You lead us in the song of your salvation
And all your people sing along.

Pre Chorus:
So remember your people.
Remember your children.
Remember your promise, oh God.

Chorus x3

Chorus 2:
Your Grace is enough
Heaven reaching down to us
Your Grace is enough for me

—————-
God, I see your grace is enough
I’m covered in your love
Your grace is enough for me

For me

Hello buddies. As many of you know, dad passed away Friday nite. This isthe hardest thing I have ever been thru.

My eating has been out of whack, but I am trying to get it back, my body doesn’t react well to eating unhealthy. So I am trying to do better.

I did finally do a workout yesterday, was more for my mental health.

Mom is staying with us for a few days. I will not be on as much, I have to help her with arrangements. We are gonna do a memorial service for dad,not a veiwing. He looked so bad.

Was so hard to see him like that, it didn’t even look like him.

I want to thank all of you for the out pouring of love and prayers. The first thing I thought of this morning, was I NEED MY BUDDIES!!!

I sure love you all. Hugs, hugs and more hugs, forever, Kama

I go back and forth between being angry and sad. It just doesn’t seem fair, but I am trying  to leave it in God’s hands.

Back op today, had one last blowout at Denny’s and it wasn’t pretty.

Back to it today and did my Cardio Max today, too.

How are you all? I miss being here more.

Well time to clock back in, Love you all!

Well dad is getting a feeding tube in, and we will go see him tonite. I am going to start talking to him about the good stuff I remember, and make the most of the time we have left. I KNOW he hears me, he just can’t speak.

This is hard, but I think I am adjusting to it. I did NOT eat well, in fact I binged yesterday when I got home. Haven’t worked out since Monday, but I will tomorrow.

I need to go post, but I love you all dearly! Hugs, Kama

But as for me, buddies, this is my dad, my rock,  the one who has always been there. We have had our ups and downs, but we have always loved each other. I worship the ground he walks on! I can’t let him go. I am just not ready, but we may not even have that choice.

And mom needs him too. I feel this may really break her.

Sorry, I need to get this all out. How do you stop the flood of memories? I keep seeing my dad in all different times, taking me fishing, we used to go out and eat once a year at Christmas, we would go shopping for mom’s gift and then have a father/daughter date.

He loved to buy me nice dresses and things for my birthday. He had a beautiful piece of Turquoise handcut into a necklace for me when I was in high school. I still have it.

He loves westerns,  so it was kinda natural we moved to Arizona, he liked to dress like a cowboy, His favorite watch has a silver and turqoise on it.

Ok, Im rambling, I could never do my dad justice. All the memories are just flooding in.

I just don”t know how to do this at all…..

The dr said the stroke affected the back part of dad’s brain, the occipital lobe/brain stem.

Wanted you all to know. Thanks for the prayers and support. I am ok, just still numb. I took a long walk yesterday to clear my head, and wound up with blisters, and had to do my workout in my socks. See, I am still silly.

Love you all, have a blessed day.

So we prayed for him and asked for hom to be healed, and we also asked for God’s will to be done. Neither mom or I are ready to let him go. I know he has held on this long for us. I keep hearing that song “you can let go” in my head, really gets to me each time I hear it.

I am trying to hang in there with my eating, have NOT binged, but I have slipped a little, Had KFC last nite, but stuck to a plate, so I couldn’t have seconds.

I did do my Biggest Loser workout yesterday, the whole 50 minutes, I am real sore, not sure I will be able to get one in today or not.

Well, I need to post, I love you all, and appreciate your prayers. Have a great Sunday.

I am terrified, and if something happens to dad, not sure what will happen to mom.

I am doing good, diet wise, did the Biggest Loser one last nite, and am sore! I only did the first level.

Just wanted to let you know.

Please pray ok, buddies? My dad is my rock and I am not ready to lose him. They said his speech is garbled, he is confused, and leaning to one side.

Love you all, I will keep you posted when I can. Thank you.

I have been real busy making calls for mom and work has been nuts, too. I will try and get to some blogs this afternoon/

Mom is soso, still battling her blood sugar, and she didn’t want the home health nurses to come out, but I got her convinced to do that.

Sometimes all this feels like more than I can handle, so still need lots of prayers.

Going to go see dad tomorrow nite, too.

As for me? Doing ok, just got the Biggest Loser Cardio max dvd, will try it tonite.

Also reading a good book by Roger Gould about emotional eating, just got it, will let you know how it is. Well need to run and post, love you all!