I thought I was going crazy!!! Stages of grief…
Ok, so I thought I was losing it. Too tired to work out, wanting to sleep all the time. Not motivated to do much of anything. Irritable, weepy, withdrawn, not like me. I have even been “seeing” mom and dad in my mind. I know they aren’t there, but I see them anyways.
So I did a google on grief and came up with this site: http://www.recover-from-grief.com/index.html
This is the best thing I have read in a while, made sense to me.
THE NEW GRIEF STAGES
Finding Your Way Through the Tasks of Mourning
New grief stages…
We presented in our “Stages of Grief” section three other often cited working models of the grief process. In the interest of completeness, we summarized them in the other 3 sections, and feel it may help you to read them all.
However, in my studies of the research done on grief, I have found that this 3-step model, “The New Grief Stages”, is more flexible, broad, understandable and accurate in describing the tasks to be completed during the grieving process.
Once again, keep in mind that there is no timetable for grief. No right or wrong way. Grief is as individual as you, your relationship with your lost one, and the circumstances of the death are. This is such an unpleasant, lengthy process that you may wonder how long it all will last, and when you can expect some relief from the pain.
Some people find that within a few months, the distress lessens, and they are able to find some peace and closure, and renewed hope and enjoyment in life.
Others may face years of relentless waves of grief, get stuck in chronic mourning and require professional help to find resolution.
Most people fit somewhere between these two extremes, and come to a satisfactory resolution of their grief after a year or up to two years of mourning.
New grief stages…
These are the three phases of the New Grief Stages:
1. SHOCK-
New grief stages…Upon receiving the bad news of the death of a dearly loved one, most people react with an initial period of shock, or numbed disbelief. This is actually your psyche protecting your mind from being overwhelmed all at once by the tragedy.
Many report being unable to function or perform even simple tasks or make decisions. You may have a sense of unreality, or feel like you are “sleepwalking”.
This is a time for the gathering of family and friends to offer you support. Accept it, and let them help you through the mourning rituals and funeral decisions that must be made.
You’ll have physical symptoms such as agitation, weakness, crying and aimless activity. Shock may last for hours, even up to weeks. But then reality slowly sets in…
2. SUFFERING-
New grief stages…
As the shock wears off, the pain begins. This is a time of emotional upheaval, and you will experience overwhelming and excruciating pain. Pain so palpable as to feel physical as well as emotional. Physical symptoms may include loss of appetite and weight, chest pain, insomnia and extreme fatigue.
Emotional symptoms of sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, restlessness, and agitation may occur. The hallmarks of this phase are rapid mood swings, intense emotions and loss of control over your psyche. You may even feel like you are losing your sanity.
This is the stage at which you need the most emotional support from friends and family. Unfortunately, by this time, they have probably gone back home to the business of living their lives. Or they may pressure you to “get over it” and “get on with your life”.
And so you are left to cope alone. Seek out someone to help support you, and/or find a support group to lend an ear. It is important that you not grieve alone.
Later in this second stage, you will come to a more orderly existence, but you will feel lonely and depressed, alternating with waves of intense grief. The “roller coaster ride” of grief. As long as your emotions are moving and changing, unpredictable, and “fluid”, your grief is right on track.
Surrender to it, and let the grief take you where you need to go. Your grief is wiser than you.
This active grieving stage, suffering, lasts for months, and even intermittently for years. It is a normal and necessary part of grieving, and it is important not to avoid it, delay it, ignore it or suppress it. To the contrary, it is important that you experience it fully and express it openly in your own way.
3. RECOVERY-
New grief stages…
Many but not all who grieve start to see some improvement in their emotions after a year has passed. Acceptance and full recovery don’t happen overnight. Your depression and despair will just slowly start to turn a corner and lighten up for you.
This stage is not the end of pain, but the ability to function with it and reconnect to the interesting and happy parts of life. Your great hurt will never be forgotten… it just recedes into the background of your life. Other more immediate demands will start to take precedence. Your son’s soccer game will take on some importance for you once again.
And you may see ONE benefit from your grief experience… a new appreciation for the preciousness of life and a new-found ability to live life in the moment.
I feel I am in the second stage. I kept telling myself that is has been long enough, and to “get over it”. Well that is wrong, it hasn’t been that long, and I have to respect it.
I need to stop pushing myself so I don’t feel anything. My life is crazy busy and I make it so.
Bottom line I have to accept I am still grieving. This does not mean I will dishonor mom and dad’s memory by not taking care of my self, but I will allow myself the time and space to just grieve and remember them.
Ok, sorry this was not about weight loss, but I wanted to share it, maybe it will help someone.
My workouts have been off, only worked out 2 days so far, am planning on it tomorrow and get some good ones in over the weekend. But I am also going to take time and write 2 letters, one to dad and one to mom. My therapist suggested it, and I have not been able to do it, but i think now is the time.
Thanks for listening, love you guys.
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I am so very sorry for your losses. It has to be a really rough time, but that article really puts things into prospective. I’m glad you are finding ways to get thru this time and keeping you in my prayers! Thanks for sharing that article.
kama,
glad you found something that was able to explain things to you.
Hang in there girl, hugs..
Oh Kama I am so sorry for your losses. Like Deb, I am happy you found something that makes sense and gives you some explanations as to what and why you are feeling like you do.
I really hope the letters you write help you a lot. I wish the best for you.
I just wanted to say I hope this helps you and I am praying for you.
I wrote a letter to my father after he died. When someone suggested it to me, I admit I thought it was the stupidest idea in the whole world, but getting some thoughts out of my head was actually a relief.
KAMA..
im so sorry about all of this you are going through.
there are 7 stages that i learned about, which break it down more
SHOCK AND DENIEL
PAIN AND GUILT
ANGER AND BARGAINING
DEPRESSION,REFLECTION,AND LONLINESS
THE UPWARD TURN
RECONSTRUCTION AND WORKING THROUGH
ACCEPTANCE AND HOPE
i think these are more descriptive in explaining what emotions are normal.
and you are exactly right there is NO time limit to grieving. some people fly through these stages and others linger for years and years.
love ya.
Its been a rough road for you. I am glad you are researching & not just suffering. It helps to know what you can expect. I think its normal to see your parents or any loved one that you were really close to. I saw my grandmother 10 years to the very day that she passed away. I think it happens for a reason.
Hang in there hun. ((((((KAMA)))))
I just wanna give u a BIG, GIGANTIC hug ~~~
((((((((((((KAMA))))))))))))))) WHAT A BEAUTIFUL BLOG!
Hang in there and take the time you need, so you can get back on track the right way and dont push it.
Kama, God Bless and I hope this passes soon for you… Take care
Oh, girl. I know you’re not going crazy! Glad you found this, though. Hugs.