Ok, so I thought I was losing it. Too tired to work out, wanting to sleep all the time. Not motivated to do much of anything. Irritable, weepy, withdrawn, not like me. I have even been “seeing” mom and dad in my mind. I know they aren’t there, but I see them anyways.

So I did a google on grief and came up with this site: http://www.recover-from-grief.com/index.html

This is the best thing I have read in a while, made sense to me.

THE NEW GRIEF STAGES
Finding Your Way Through the Tasks of Mourning

New grief stages…

We presented in our “Stages of Grief” section three other often cited working models of the grief process. In the interest of completeness, we summarized them in the other 3 sections, and feel it may help you to read them all.

However, in my studies of the research done on grief, I have found that this 3-step model, “The New Grief Stages”, is more flexible, broad, understandable and accurate in describing the tasks to be completed during the grieving process.

Once again, keep in mind that there is no timetable for grief. No right or wrong way. Grief is as individual as you, your relationship with your lost one, and the circumstances of the death are. This is such an unpleasant, lengthy process that you may wonder how long it all will last, and when you can expect some relief from the pain.

Some people find that within a few months, the distress lessens, and they are able to find some peace and closure, and renewed hope and enjoyment in life.

Others may face years of relentless waves of grief, get stuck in chronic mourning and require professional help to find resolution.

Most people fit somewhere between these two extremes, and come to a satisfactory resolution of their grief after a year or up to two years of mourning.

---

New grief stages…

These are the three phases of the New Grief Stages:

1. SHOCK-

New grief stages…

Upon receiving the bad news of the death of a dearly loved one, most people react with an initial period of shock, or numbed disbelief. This is actually your psyche protecting your mind from being overwhelmed all at once by the tragedy.

Many report being unable to function or perform even simple tasks or make decisions. You may have a sense of unreality, or feel like you are “sleepwalking”.

This is a time for the gathering of family and friends to offer you support. Accept it, and let them help you through the mourning rituals and funeral decisions that must be made.

You’ll have physical symptoms such as agitation, weakness, crying and aimless activity. Shock may last for hours, even up to weeks. But then reality slowly sets in…

2. SUFFERING-

New grief stages…

As the shock wears off, the pain begins. This is a time of emotional upheaval, and you will experience overwhelming and excruciating pain. Pain so palpable as to feel physical as well as emotional. Physical symptoms may include loss of appetite and weight, chest pain, insomnia and extreme fatigue.

Emotional symptoms of sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, restlessness, and agitation may occur. The hallmarks of this phase are rapid mood swings, intense emotions and loss of control over your psyche. You may even feel like you are losing your sanity.

This is the stage at which you need the most emotional support from friends and family. Unfortunately, by this time, they have probably gone back home to the business of living their lives. Or they may pressure you to “get over it” and “get on with your life”.

And so you are left to cope alone. Seek out someone to help support you, and/or find a support group to lend an ear. It is important that you not grieve alone.

Later in this second stage, you will come to a more orderly existence, but you will feel lonely and depressed, alternating with waves of intense grief. The “roller coaster ride” of grief. As long as your emotions are moving and changing, unpredictable, and “fluid”, your grief is right on track.

Surrender to it, and let the grief take you where you need to go. Your grief is wiser than you.

This active grieving stage, suffering, lasts for months, and even intermittently for years. It is a normal and necessary part of grieving, and it is important not to avoid it, delay it, ignore it or suppress it. To the contrary, it is important that you experience it fully and express it openly in your own way.

3. RECOVERY-

New grief stages…

Many but not all who grieve start to see some improvement in their emotions after a year has passed. Acceptance and full recovery don’t happen overnight. Your depression and despair will just slowly start to turn a corner and lighten up for you.

This stage is not the end of pain, but the ability to function with it and reconnect to the interesting and happy parts of life. Your great hurt will never be forgotten… it just recedes into the background of your life. Other more immediate demands will start to take precedence. Your son’s soccer game will take on some importance for you once again.

And you may see ONE benefit from your grief experience… a new appreciation for the preciousness of life and a new-found ability to live life in the moment.

                            I feel I am in the second stage. I kept telling myself that is has been long enough, and to “get over it”. Well that is wrong, it hasn’t been that long, and I have to respect it.

I need to stop pushing myself so I don’t feel anything. My life is crazy busy and I make it so.

Bottom line I have to accept I am still grieving. This does not mean I will dishonor mom and dad’s memory by not taking care of my self, but I will allow myself the time and space to just grieve and remember them.

Ok, sorry this was not about weight loss, but I wanted to share it, maybe it will help someone.

My workouts have been off, only worked out 2 days so far, am planning on it tomorrow and get some good ones in over the weekend. But I am also going to take time and write 2 letters, one to dad and one to mom. My therapist suggested it, and I have not been able to do it, but i think now is the time.

Thanks for listening, love you guys.

Well you did it again, helped me out of my slump, and hats off to Lori for getting my butt too move. I am full of a new determination, NOT gonna let this keep me down, mom and dad would not have wanted that.

So with that said, I hit Jillian’s troublezones this morning and gave it my all. Felt good.

So tonite, I opened up my email and got this message, and I want to share it, is very timely:

Going Through the Emotions

Why It’s Worth the Trouble

– By Mike Kramer, Staff Writer

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The world can be a beautiful place, full of possibilities and life. You can feel invincible and in control. But it’s not always like that, is it? The world can also be a stressful, upsetting, confidence-crushing place. At times, it seems like even something as clear-cut as weight loss is harder than it really needs to be. Is it worth the trouble, you ask. Why am I banging my head against the wall? Is it really doing any good?

You’re darned right it is!

When life and your mind are full of troubles, when things seem out of control, you’ve got to take control of what you can. When confidence is low, that’s exactly when you need to be at your healthiest, your strongest, your most energetic. There’s no better time to create your own little corner of sanity and positive feeling. The best way you can do that is to stick with those small daily weight loss goals.

You can be the hammer, making things happen, or you can be the nail that sits there and gets pummeled over and over. If you’re starting to feel like a nail, it’s up to you to keep your program moving forward. Gather yourself together, draw a line in the sand and refuse to give in to the doubts and temptation to give in or quit.

oing Through the Emotions

Why It’s Worth the Trouble

– By Mike Kramer, Staff Writer

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You’ve probably heard this story before, but since you’re here, it’s worth retelling: A frog, hopping around the farm, minding his own business, fell right into a pail half-filled with cream. Swimming frantically, he found the sides too steep and too high. Determined not to give up, he continued to struggle. He kicked and squirmed, kicked and squirmed until at last his churning had turned the cream into a block of butter – allowing him to hop right out. He never gave up!

Here’s how your story and his intersect. If he only saw the hopelessness of his situation and started feeling sorry for himself, he would have sunk to the bottom. But instead he kept kicking. He kicked not because he knew it would help him escape, but because he was compelled to, he had no choice. He kicked because the alternative was no alternative at all.

From the frog’s point of view, all he was doing was treading water (or cream), doing what he could in a bad situation. If you keep kicking, even if it just seems like you’re treading water, you’re actually causing real change that will make a huge difference later on.

Going Through the Emotions

Why It’s Worth the Trouble

– By Mike Kramer, Staff Writer

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There will be good days; there will be bad days – sometimes several in a row. There will be lazy days and discouraging days. But there will also be days of revelation, days of making a breakthrough, days of being proud of who you are becoming, days of wanting to climb on top of your success and reach for the stars, because you just know that anything is possible.

These are the days that make it all worthwhile. These are the days that let you deal with those other, not-so-great days. Once you know those bad days will be there, it’s easier to accept them at face value and deal with them. But you have to keep kicking on those bad days to get to the good ones. If you’re not kicking, you’re sinking.

Don’t let the world or your own doubts take away one of the most positive things you have going for yourself – your determination to create a healthier, more energetic, more vibrant, more wonderful YOU.

Hope this helps you like it did me. Love you all!

First the articles:

T H E   D A I L Y   B I T E S                      July 25, 2009

Your daily tip, inspiration, words of wisdom, what you need,
just when you need it. The Daily Bites, waiting in your email.
Chew slowly and enjoy it

=========== Break Fast Food Habit

To break the fast food habit, go to a new place to eat. Since many
are trying new menus now is a good time to try something different,
without the pull of your usual menu staring you in the face.

First thing you’ll notice is it doesn’t “feel” right, or it may not “look”
right, it may not even “smell” right. That’s okay. You’re uncomfortable
because you’ve stepped off your usual path. Stay with it. It takes
effort but it’s not super human. Anyone with the desire can succeed
at changing any habit.

Make a pact with yourself that you will not go to your usual fast
food places for one week; just one week, you can do that. During
that week, if you still want to stop at a fast food place, choose a
different one–not the same chain, a different chain entirely. Then
order differently. Make an effort to try the healthier choices,
assuming they have some.

Give this a chance before you decide it’s not working. Try the food.
Taste it. Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10. Do you like it, hate it?
Fill out one of the little “how are we doing” cards and hand it in.

Notice how uncomfortable you are doing this. That’s just your old
habit calling. It’s okay to be uncomfortable. It’s only while you
make changes from your usual routine that you experience that
sense that all is not right. If you persist, you’ll reach the point where
you no longer feel weird but instead you’ll feel exactly right.

~ Still time to snag that extra 5% lifetime discount. Whole food.s
buying club, Green Polkadot Box. Check it out, register, then
decide whether to join http://www.greenpolkadotbox.com/invite/omb/

Another idea is to wait until you’ve finished eating a meal, then
go to your usual fast food restaurant, enter, and just stand there
a minute, then leave. Don’t order anything. Just experience going
there without ordering. Sound weird? It takes the first person
stomping through the forest to blaze a new trail. Then the next
person and the next help, and pretty soon, there is a new trail. Be
that trail blazer.

When you break the usual habit of where you eat and what you order,
you can eventually go back and sometimes, for a treat, have your old
favorites. They aren’t going anywhere. Restaurants are not going to
stop serving burgers and fries anytime soon, so don’t worry. Just
because you say “No” today, doesn’t mean you can’t say “Yes”
tomorrow. It’s a choice for today, for this meal, this moment only.

It’s not a permanent, never again proposition. It’s the all-or-nothing
mentality that gets us into trouble. I still have burgers and fries
sometimes, but not once a week. For me now it?s more like two or
three times a year.

Other ideas? Bring a snack bag with you - I do. I carry fruit,
sometimes a small baggy of granola, maybe a meal bar or two
(I like Clif Bars and Luna Bars). I call it survival food, but I also
think of it that way. By that I mean that if I’m going to eat my
granola and nut mix, I think of it as highly concentrated nutrition
(which it is). A small handful is as much nutrition as my body
needs. It may not satisfy my desire for a full stomach - that
isn’t the purpose. The purpose is survival - make it last.

This is a mental game I play. Devise your game. If I were starving,
one bite would be so delicious and I’d be so thankful to have it.
One bite could keep you alive - it doesn’t take huge meals, double
servings, triple-dipped cones for us to be alive. Food is nourishment,
not just our entertainment.

EFT Ideas:

“Even though I’m too busy to play these food games, I deeply and
completely accept myself.”

“Even though I don’t want to eat anywhere else, I deeply and
completely accept myself.”

“Even though I don’t want to eat anything but a burger, I deeply and
completely accept myself.”

Make up your statements, depending on how this idea strikes you. Do
you think it’s stupid? Tap on that. Do you think you’d rather die
than change your eating habits, tap on that. Tap on what first comes
to mind, and you’ll often realize you’ve started at the right place.

Yours in good eating,
Kathryn Martyn, M.NLP

Can Eating Too Few Calories Stall Your Metabolism?

Learn why cutting out too many calories can keep you from losing weight.

By Krisha McCoy, MS

Medically reviewed by Christine Wilmsen Craig, MD

Print Email

If you’re like most people who want to lose weight, you want to lose it fast. So you may be tempted to make drastic changes in your diet to dramatically reduce the number of calories you consume. But what you may not know is that eating too few calories can actually backfire and sabotage your weight-loss efforts.

“It would make sense to stop eating [when you are trying to lose weight], but it actually works in the opposite way,” says Kimberly Lummus, MS, RD, Texas Dietetic Association media representative and public relations coordinator at the Austin Dietetic Association in Austin, Texas.

Calories and Your Health

The most effective way to lose weight is to consume fewer calories than you expend, creating a calorie deficit. But if your calorie intake dips too low, says Lummus, your body could go into starvation mode. “Your body will start to store fat because it thinks it is not going to get anything,” says Lummus. “You will be at a point where your body is kind of at a standstill.”

Lummus says that when your body goes into starvation mode, your metabolism slows to a crawl, burning calories as slowly as possible to conserve its energy stores. This is why people who cut their calories too much may reach a plateau and stop losing weight.

Eating too few calories can be the start of a vicious cycle that causes diet distress. When you cut your calories so low that your metabolism slows and you stop losing weight, you probably will become frustrated that your efforts are not paying off. This can lead you to overeat and ultimately gain weight.

“It is so hard to sustain cutting calories and eating too little. What typically happens is that the person will go in the opposite direction; they will just become too hungry and go into a binging mode,” says Lummus. “Because you are getting frustrated by not seeing any weight loss, you just sort of throw in the towel.”

In addition to sabotaging your weight-loss efforts, eating too few calories can also harm your health. When your body goes into starvation mode, you are at increased risk for the following:

• Abnormally low blood pressure and slow heart rate
• Heart rhythm abnormalities
• Electrolyte imbalances, especially potassium deficiency
• Gallstones
• Hair loss
• Brittle fingernails
• Loss of menstrual periods in women
• Soft hair growth over entire body
• Dizziness
• Trouble concentrating
• Anemia
• Swelling in your joints
• Brittle bones
• Depression

Coming to Terms With Calories

Remember that calories are not your enemy. They are a vital part of a healthy and energetic life. “Your body needs a certain amount of calories just to sustain proper function,” says Lummus. This is why fad diets that force you to cut out too many calories leave you feeling lethargic, shaky, and ready to give up.

Instead of opting for a fad diet, find a reasonable eating and exercise plan that allows you to lose one-half to two pounds per week. There is evidence that people who lose weight at this rate — by making better nutrition choices, eating smaller portion sizes, and exercising — also have the best chance of keeping it off. Make a plan to adopt new healthful habits that you will be able to stick to indefinitely, and always allow yourself a little wiggle room for special occasions.

Last Updated: 04/03/2009

This section created and produced exclusively by the editorial staff of EverydayHealth.com. © 2009 EverydayHealth.com; all rights reserved.

Hey all. Some good news: My daughter did get her cat. She had to have the police assist her, and when she went to the apt with them, the cat “magically” turned up. But at least she is out of there, and the cat is ok. She is right now staying with some friends till she gets a place.

Well, I went to Nicole’s mom’s service on Friday, was a beautiful service, and yes it brought up some issues for me. I have to say though  how proud I am of Nicole, she was awesome, and at the dinner, she did so well, better than me even using her own salad dressing that she made, she is someone I really admire and respect!!

Anyways, as for me, I am in a slump, been real tired lately, and at  the advice of my good friends, took the weekend off to recup. Plus, I had my second go around with the dentist, and my mouth is more sore than the first time. I did however try the idea of taking the premeds with milk, and that did seem to help.

I wanted to go to Sprouts yesterday so bad! But by the time I got done at the dentist, and some other errands, was just too hot to keep going, the bus takes so long. So I cam home. We did do laundry last nite. Today I am going to Walmart when it is a bit dark, since the bus ride is hot.

I know, I am whining. I just really miss having a car. But most of all, I am hitting the part of my grief that they told me would come. I finally realized in my heart on Friday that mom and dad are really gone. They are not just on some trip, and will not be home soon. I knew they were gone in my head, but did not feel it in my heart. But they played “Ave Maria” at the service and it hit me like a brick. Really hard.

So I am depressed, i admit it. Getting hard to do my workouts, and eat right, but I must. Can someone kick me in the butt? I simply cannot go back to my old ways, mom and dad were so proud of me.

I miss my mom and dad so much, they were truly my best friends. I have been in denial and trying to get thru without really feeling.

Sorry this blog is so long, but I needed it. I could feel it.

I tell the world to you guys. I love the feedback I get.

Not sure what to do with myself. I just want to crawl in my daddy’s lap, and I can’t.

I miss the mom who used to go shopping with me, helped me with recipes, showed me all kinds of crafts to do. She was my best friend and I called her nearly everyday.

She helped me raise my daughter, and my dad showed her what a good strong man should be.

God, I miss them. I really don’t know how to do this, I am crying as I write this.

Sorry buddies, not sure where I am going with this, but I needed to vent. If you don’t want to read this, I understand.

But to all of you who do, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You all mean so much to me. more than I can say, and I love each and every one of you.

Well, HI!! How are you?

Guess what, our AC is still working, yay!

Have had a good week, been more focused on my workouts, really hoping for a loss this week.

Well I have a prayer request: My daughter Holly, is having to move out of where she was living, and her roommates won’t say why, just basically kicking her out! If that wasn’t bad enough, they are trying to keep her cat. I told her to call the cops on that one. I feel for her, she has little money and had to put all her stuff in storage.

Aaaah, the mom in me wants her to pack up and come home, but I want what is best for her. I miss her terribly.

So please pray for her ok?

The other thing is Nicole’s mom’s service is tomorrow. I am going, please pray for strength for her.

Other than that, just been busy, busy, sure miss you guys. I will read as many blogs as I can, ok? Love you!

How are you all? We had quite a storm here tonite!! I was afraid it would knock out power, but it didn’t.

Well more on the AC saga. I got a call today from the Attorney General’s office, tey had me fill out an online complaint form and submit it. so I did.

Very bad thing here in Arizona to not have working AC in this heat, and the state takes is seriously.

But we are doing ok, so far ours seems to be working.

Please continue to pray for Nicole, this will be a rough week for her, the service for her mom is this Friday, I am planning to be there. So hard, and I do know how she feels.

As for me, getting way back on track with my workouts, my good buddy Lori has been cracking the whip, lol. Motivating me not to skip. I overslept this morning, so she made me promise to do my workout tonite and I did!! I feel soo good!

Doing good with my eating, and I figured out what made me so sick over the weekend. I had to take 4 huge antibiotic pills before I went to the dentist, and even though I ate, still got to me. But I have to do it again this Saturday, oh well.

Jaw is still sore, but getting better.

Anyways, not much else with me, love you all!

First of all, my heart aches for Nicole and the loss of her mother, please show her some love, she needs us right now. I know what she is going thru, having gone thru this recently myself.

Love you so much Nicole, and if you need me, just give a shout, ok?

Well as for me, I am doing ok, I did survive the dentist, was so scared I was shaking, but was not as bad as I thought. Pretty sore in the jaw, though and I think the stuff they used made me a bit queasy. Was hurting so bad last nite, I had to take a Soma, which unfortnately gives me the munchies like when I an high, so I did binge on cereal???? Good thing I don’t keep junk food in the house!

Probably going to do yoga for my workout, is still hard, but my stomach is not up to all that bouncing around, and I do not want to skip a workout.

So how are you all? Feeling very sober to today for Nicole.

WE LOVE YOU!!!!!

Well our apartment complex made the news. People are getting fed up with the non working AC issue. We had news cameras out here tonite. Maybe now they will finally fix it right. Was 98 degrees upstairs, that is ridiculous!!

This message really caught my eye, think about it, what would you do if this were your last day??

Today I have an important question for you. What would you do if you knew today was your last day on Earth? It’s an uncomfortable thought, but it does make you think about what’s truly important to you and what you would do with such precious little time. Even though this is a morose thought to think about, it creates an opportunity for insight and healthy pause for thought.Would you choose to be alone or would you choose specific company? Would you travel anywhere or would you stay at home? Would you waste time lamenting, or would you attack your last day with passionate enthusiasm? Hopefully, we all have many more days on this wonderful planet to make our mark and pursue our dreams. However, time does tend to fly by quickly and many people simply procrastinate and fritter their time away each day. So again I ask you: How would you spend your precious time and energy if you knew you only had 24 hours to live?

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com 

For me? My last day I would hope to make it as healthy and active as possible, with no backbiting or bickering. I would want to have no regrets and leave nothing unsaid as far as showing my friends and family how much I love them. What about you?

I am doing good, we had a bout of no ac again, I was so sick from the heat so sorry I was MIA. I missed you!

I did gain a pound this week, but I am really trying to get a routine I can stick to in the heat. Has hit me hard this year, and I get tired quicker than I used to. Guess being 50 does that?

But I went to a seminar last nite with Nicole. We saw Dee Mccaffrey ( Hope I am spelling it right). She was awesome has lost 100 pounds by eliminating processed foods from her diet.

I really want to do this, and continue my quest to clean up what I eat.

I learned alot, and will be buying her book. I am so excited about it!

Anyways, glad to be back, I will catch up on some blogs tonite! Love you guys!

I need to tell you all something. My last blog although true, was written in anger. I wrote some things that would have been better said a different way. But if there is one thing I am to a fault is loyal to a friend. I support Nancy and will support her to the end. She has taught me to be honest, sometimes brutally so. But I was always a mealy mouthed people pleaser before, I was more concerned about having everyone like me than I was for being concerned about myself and what I knew to be right. This led to alot of problems and me eating to numb the pain. I was so desperate to be liked I would do anything to fit in, be it drugs, drinking whatever I could hide behind and not show the real me. I felt the real me inside was a monster.

Well I don’t feel that way now. I have opinions and they matter. I care about people, and I am not perfect, and I am not afraid to let you see I am not perfect. I do not willfully hurt anyone, but I will stand up for what I beleive is right, and when I see a wrong, I will say something. This does not however give me the right to attack, and that is where I was wrong, I should have cooled off first. I do not take back what I meant to do, which was support my friend and vent my feelings on the matter. But I should have left it at that. All I can do is try to do better.

I promise I will be honest, but you may not always like what you hear. But if you don’t like what you hear, I think we should just go on, and not feel like we have to attack the person, because again, these are our blogs, our journals and no one should feel afraid to come on here and say what ever they need to.

No, I do not support diet aids of any kind, but you know that. If I see a blog going on about how great they are, I will not comment. But if you want and ask for my opinion, I wil give it. Does not mean I do not love you as a person.

I hope we can get past all this and remember why we are here. I do love all of you very much.

I have read alot of blog bashing today.  And some of you may not like what i have to say.

Well first of all, these blogs are our own private journals. We can write whatever is in our hearts to say. We open it up to you so we can get feedback, we do not have to. So to attack someone for her beliefs is incomprehensible to me. You know who I mean. This person has overcome alot of odds to get where she is. She has strong beleifs and they work, this is not some fad she is on. Nancy, I support you. Please people and especially the old BSer’s where were you when all this took place. You are not here and then you pop back in a think you can critisice? Where is the love and compassion, when you rip them to shreds?

Sorry that is not what BS is about. We can’t pat people on the head when they are hurting themselves. I have learned alot from people who had the guts to tell me what I was doing wrong. I wouldn’t be where I am at without it.

So, in the old words of “Thumper” (From Bambi) “If you can’t say nothin’ nice, then don’t say nothin at all”