Alot on my mind
Hi buddies, sorry I did not make it back on yesterday. I got invieted to a party at my sponsor’s house and I felt like I needed to get out and have some fun. I’m glad I went, I was there until late last nite, so I am a bit tired.
My eating has been off, I was good till the party, then fell off. I di do an hour workout yesterday, and I am sore. But it felt so good to laugh and cut up, and I really enjoyed it.
How is everyone? All ready for Thanksgiving? We are going to a good friend’s house, just gonna pick up a pie to take, just not into doimg all that cooking right now. I am sure I will show a gain, but my plan is to workout as much as possible all week including that day, too.
Well, I have to go back to the airport tonite, to pick up Ted. Honestly not sure where our relationship is at right now, so please be praying for me on that, we may have to part ways.
I feel the time is right for that, possibly, there are things that have not been right with us for awhile, and as much as I love him, I feel we both deserve to be happy. And this is not cutting it. I am not going to go into bashing him, he has helped me alot, but the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is just not there, and has not been there for awhile. I do not hate him I still ove im very much, but I can’t do this anymore.
Plus with all the stuff going on with mom, I just can’t think too clear, I just have to take it one day at a time.
One thing for certain, I am not gonna stop my workouts and my endeavors to be as healthy as possible, I had an eating relapse at the party, and then Lynne took me out to lunch today. I felt like I deserved it. I am so tired, and all this is getting to me.
Thank God I have you all to talk to, I would really lose it if I didn’t.
I had a good session with my therapist, and she says the best thing I do for myself besides my diet and exercise is talk to you all. I agree with her, you all are so helping me heal from al lof this, I am way stronger than when I started, and no longer afraid to be alone, if I have to be.
I picked up dad’s ashes yesterday, that was rough, I almost broke down in the post office, I did break down in the car. But you know? I felt dad’s presence in the car with me, and I was talking to him, I have his ashes on my dresser, mom and I will take them to be placed in the National cemetery, since dad was a vet.
Mom is doing better, her blood sugar was lower, she will be prob placedin assisted care soon, the dr does not want her living alone anymore, and I agree.
So alot going on.
Well, I need to go and read blogs, and check email and post. Don’t worry about me I have all my God sent angels(you) around me and I will be ok, Love you all so much!
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I hear you regarding being in possession of one’s parents’ ashes. My mom passed away two years ago this thanksgiving and my siblings couldn’t bear to have her ashes so I have had them. My kids and I went to Nicaragua this past September and I took a lot of “mom” with us. the kids had a great time in Lake Nicaragua so I decided to spread her there in the lake where her only two grandbabies loved to swim. It is hard but really, their souls are in heaven. And they are looking down on us.
As far as breaking up with a guy….I am recently divorced and have had a couple semi-serious boyfriends in the last two years. What I have come to realize is that until I am where I want to be in my life, the “perfect” guy isn’t going to be there. I have had several great relationships but until I am where I need to be emotionally “he” isn’t going to be there.
Good luck and enjoy your holiday. We are our own best friends! If we don’t love ourselves fully we can’t love someone else the way they deserve to be loved!!
I feel like I don’t know really what is going on with you, like I walked in during the middle of it all because I am still kinda new but one thing I have noticed is that a lot of people on here really care about you and you seem to have a good outlook towards life. I know you seem to go going through a lot but I give you props on having the courage to end a relationship not going anywhere.
HI KAMA! I LOVE YOU! AND HERE’S A BIG HUG!!!!!
Ok, I’m so glad you went out and had fun yesterday. Yah you.
Ted issue, I hope you guys have a long talk and sort things out. I have a feeling that it’s worth saving.
Dad, I cried as I read that part mama! I do know how you feel.
Yes, as therapist said, we’re good therapy…and we are free too!
Hang in there…..you know how to get a hold of me!
Hi there. I just joined here and read your latest post. I see you have a lot going on. You should have pride in yourself for being able to take this all on, whether you choose to or not, and still stick to your goals. It takes a strong woman to work through all the punches life throws at us and I applaud you! Best wishes in your endeavors and I look forward to seeing you shine as I check in from time to time!
kama honey - so glad you wrote all that was on your mind! great decision about the party - it’s impt to have some fun and smile when you can. as for you and ted, i didn’t realize things were not so good. you may want to hold off on your decision on that for a little bit longer since you are going thru this huge grief of your dad, i dunno, just in case..but really just listen to your heart - you are smart and wise and will do what’s best for you. as for your dad’s ashes, i bet he was there with you - isn’t it amazing how we can feel things like that? he’s in your heart and your mind so he really is with you always! hope you figure out what is best for mom. you DO have so much going on! love you! and way to go on the workout!!!
(((((Kama))))))
Hang in there and give yourself the rest and all the breaks you need—-in the words of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman “Take care of you!”
Kama, hang in there. You’ll make it.
Hey Kama… God girlie, you are going through so much right now. Your therapist is right… blog, blog and blog some more. It really helps to get everything inside you, out. And we’re here to listen, you know that.
As for Ted… you’ve been through a really traumatic time. It’s bound to take a toll on you and the people closest to you. Sure, the past few months I was toying with the idea of breaking up with my b/f. Then I realised it was just my way of pushing everyone closest to me away. It’s the way I get when I’m depressed or stressed. When I got over the last bout, my head cleared and I realised I didnt really want to break up with him… that I needed him as much as he needs me. What I’m trying to say really is… have a long chat with Ted. Make sure it’s the relationship that’s the problem, not what’s going on inside you.
And whatever happends, you know we’re here. Just drop me a mail if you want to mull anything over.