kamaperry

Wanted to wish you all a happy Halloween.

Ready as we can be for dad’s memorial tomorrow. I wrote out the eulogy last nite. Was really hard.

I felt sick this morning, very sore and achey, so instead of working out, I stayed in bed. I think it is all emotional.

Hope you all are having a good day! I will be back later. Love you all.

Thanks for all the support when I crashed yesterday.

Anj, thanks for the tough love too.

Doing better today, had a nice dinner with my cousins last nite. And I didn’t do too bad, turned down dessert, and had a “petite” plate. That was enough for me.

Poor mom is so confused right now, and it is all I can do to keep my patience with her. Poor lady, I told her this morning to just rest and take it easy the rest of this week, we can hit it again after the memorial is over.

I am excited about something, though. Some of you had suggested I needed a break, and I didn’t know how I could do it, but a good friend of mine who raises exotic cats, is doing a cat show the weekend of 11/8 & 9 and she asked me to come with her. We will be staying in a resort in Tucson, and all I have to pay for is my food! Plus, they have fitness rooms and jogging paths and a free healthy breakfast buffet, too! I need the break, and Ted is very supportive, he will take care of mom for me.

Must be one reason my mood is better. That and all of your support. Alot of you have given way over and above during this time, more than I ever dreamed, and I thank you and love you with all my heart.

Did my power sculpt today, too, got up at 3:50 again, I swear, I feel it working!

Ok gotta go check my mail, will be back at lunch!

I know you must be sick of my depressing blogs, but I need to get this out.

Yes, I am angry, depressed, and tired of all of this greiving. Mom is not doing well healthwise, and I don’t know how to help her. The service is Saturday, and I don’t need her to fall apart on me now.

Too much to be done, and I have to work too. Ok, I know I am whining.

I feel overwhelmed by it all. Seems never ending. And my work just expects me to go on and focus, and I can’t.

I tried to do a challenge with Anj, and I can’t even seem to focus on that. Where did I go?

I do my workouts at least, it keeps my brain busy for a while, but I don’t sleep well, and my concentration is zero.

Sorry to be so depressing.

Was supposed to go for dinner with mom and my cousins tonite, but mom just canceled.

I need to get some stuff done tonite, anyways, and I just don’t feel like being social right now.

Mom needs to check out the apartments that go according to her income, but she doesn’t feel up to it, and I can’t, due to work.

Ok, enough moaning, I just had to vent. How are you all?

My weight seems stable at 138, 3 pounds up from goal, I’m grateful it is not more.

Ok, now that I dumped on you, I need to go. I will be back at lunch. Love you all, Kama

How are you all?

Well, my life feels like a rollercoaster, but God is good, helping me get thru it.

I am so proud of myself, I set a goal to get up at 3:50 am to be able to do the entire Biggest Loser Power Sculpt. And I did it!!

Trying to learn sodium counts, anyone have tips with that?

Doing better in my eating, too.

I promise to be more focused after this week, and read more blogs, too. Been real busy with the memorial arrangements, but I pray for you all daily.

Ok gotta run, love you all!

Playing this song at the memorial, I sat and listened to it over and over and just bawled.

I wanted to share it:

Something you should know about Homesick Lyrics

Title: MercyMe - Homesick lyrics

Artist: MercyMe Lyrics

Visitors: 7266 visitors have hited Homesick Lyrics since May 27, 2008.
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You’re in a better place, I’ve heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I’ve rejoiced for you
But the reason why I’m broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home’s where my heart is then I’m out of place
Lord, won’t you give me strength to make it through somehow
I’ve never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don’t understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I’ll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I’m still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home’s where my heart is then I’m out of place
Lord, won’t you give me strength to make it through somehow
I’ve never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I’ll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home’s where my heart is then I’m out of place
Lord, won’t you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won’t you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won’t you give me strength to make it through somehow

I’ve never been more homesick than now

Wow, being gone for 3 days sucks!!

So sorry, I had to do that. But our computer is fixed as of last nite!!

I was just so swamped with all the preparations for dad’s memorial. Saturday we had to get mom’s medicine, fill out 3 sets of forms for the VA, and then go thru more pictures of dad.

Then Sunday I made 3 collages, each titled “Dean’s Life” they turned out awesome.

I also colored my haird Saturday, and mom cut it yesterday. Then we made copies of pics of dad to send to Holly and sent those out.

All I need to do now is write a “Eulogy” any ideas on how to do that right would be appreciated.

Also, we wanted to give away some blue forget me not flowers as a token for guests to plant in dad’s honor. I am having to make the bags myself as it would just be too expensive other wise, but I think it will be fun. We had to call all around just to get the seeds!

So, busy, busy, plus my cousins are here from out of town.

I am doing ok, much as I still cry alot more than I am comforable with. But I know that is normal and I will always miss my dad, I know.

Mom is doing so so, she is stronger than she thinks she is. I love spending time with her.

Her blood sugar was up yesterday, but I think it is stress and a muffin she ate(My bad, I had one too, was low fat, but prob not low sugar)

I have been keeping up with my workouts, but my eating has been so, so. I do ok for a bit, and then a binge hits. I had a bad one Friday nite. I won’t even say what I ate, but it was bad.

I am trying to make up for it with my workouts. I did an hour and 20 minutes on Saturday and 30 minutes this morning, all Biggest Loser workouts.

Well I am sorry I missed weigh in this weekend for all the teams, but it couldn’t be helped.

I sure missed you all so very much.

Well gonna go post

Oh and I am still hanging in Anj’s and my challenge.

Anyone know of a sodium counter I could print out??

Love you all!

 LOL, Anj and I are doing a coleader challenge between us!

Now you can root for me or for here or just cheer us on!

We are posting our challenges in our Wildcat serious forum and ANYONE on Buddyslim is welcome to try them!

This is for fun and motivation.

I do have to say leave it to my buddies to put a smile back on my face, I have been grinning all day long from this idea!

We are gonna see what each of us can do. We already love razzing each other, so we are gonna put it to good use.

So let’s get some cheerleading going!!

Let’s have fun and laugh alot(remember, it burns calorires)

Ok Anj, You’re on!! hehehe

So I probably won’t be on this weekend I will miss you all terribly.

Also will be very busy, have to finish dad’s pic collage, fill out forms for the VA, get my haircut and colored, help mom with her meds and take her to see another apartment.

Then have to straigten house since my cousins come in town on Sunday.

Good luck to all the weight loss teams!

I will be back later, but just wanted to let you all know. Love you!!

For all the feed back yesterday. Doing some better, guess it comes and goes.

Thanks for reassuring me I am normal, lol.

Did my workout today, still sore, but I do feel better.

Going tonite to get the programs done, too. Plus a friend told me about doing packets of Forget me nots in a basket to have people plant? Sounds cool to me.

Other than that, hanging in there. Happy to say my eating has been waaaay better.

I do feel good about that. Finding thru all of this my resolve is real strong to be fit and healthy, so I am sure now I made a positive change. So that is a good thing, right? I almost feel dad smiling over that. He always wanted me to be fit and healthy, he used to tell all the people in the nursing home about my workouts. Gives me push to keep on. And so does your support.

Well, hope you all are well, I need to go post, love you all!

For all of you who have gone thru the grief process, is it normal to feel so tired and wrun g out?

I feel like my nerves are gonna come unraveled any second. I am so tired ost of the time. I even overslept today, so got to work late.

Ted thinks I should take today off from my workouts and just come home tonite and go to bed early, and I am gonndo that. So no workouts today, I have been almost manically pushing myself in them to release the stress and keep myself too tired to feel anything, I think. So today is a break.

Time to think and let myself fall apart a little if I need it.

Is this healthy? I just don’t know.

Sorry if this is a downer, but I feel I can talk to you all about anything.

Well, I need to get some work done, but I had to write this while it was heavy on my heart.

Love you all so much.