Buddies
I am not ready for this. The social worker from the hospital where dad is called and the dr wants me and mom to come in tomorrow morning for a conference. They said dad is not doing well, and we need to make some decisions. I am just sick inside. Poor mom. I will be with her tomorrow.
But as for me, buddies, this is my dad, my rock, the one who has always been there. We have had our ups and downs, but we have always loved each other. I worship the ground he walks on! I can’t let him go. I am just not ready, but we may not even have that choice.
And mom needs him too. I feel this may really break her.
Sorry, I need to get this all out. How do you stop the flood of memories? I keep seeing my dad in all different times, taking me fishing, we used to go out and eat once a year at Christmas, we would go shopping for mom’s gift and then have a father/daughter date.
He loved to buy me nice dresses and things for my birthday. He had a beautiful piece of Turquoise handcut into a necklace for me when I was in high school. I still have it.
He loves westerns, so it was kinda natural we moved to Arizona, he liked to dress like a cowboy, His favorite watch has a silver and turqoise on it.
Ok, Im rambling, I could never do my dad justice. All the memories are just flooding in.
I just don”t know how to do this at all…..
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I don’t know how to stop them, but I know what you mean. When my gram died (she died while I was in school but we had known she wasn’t doing well) I had that same problem, I remembered everything about her house and even dreamed about it for years after. Smells (like my mom’s perfume) that I picked up at the funeral I guess I associated with the sadness and so when she wore that perfume afterwards I would remember that time and everything again. And songs on the radio that were popular at that time when played now also do that to me.
But I never got to say goodbye…I was in high school and we had lots of family issues. She was in a hospital that was far away. We had known she was not doing well…but my dad was tired of taking care of her and so we never went to visit her and never got our last chance. So you do have that! A last time to be together, and say goodbye.
Also I sort of remember what she looked like, I really remembered at that time, but at the moment it is blurred and fuzzy. There are only a few pictures of her that I have, and some of them are only the side of her face, not clear ect…so kinda treasure the time you have to make memories, take pictures of you two together (and mom) because you have these memories “now” but you might not have so many clear memories years from now, when he is really gone
Sorry, that was probably not joyful advice…but I think in general we should not take each other for granted, because it is not always guaranteed that we might see them again.
I hope everything works out for the best. Take care (((Kama)))
more hugs for y9ou. kama, i’ve only known u a short while and i am so proud, impressed, and inspired - your dad must feel the same about you. your love is limitless - he will take that with him just as you take him in all the ways u mentioned. never apologize for your feelings, it is all so okay and normal. love u! take good care. write and lean to get support, k?
So sorry Kama. Look, I know what I’m going to say may not be the popular thing to say but I’m only saying this because I lost both of my parents. When my father became sick (happened very very quickly) I was not ready to see him go either. I kept telling him to stay with us and not to leave us and I don’t know if he heard me or not but I was crying and begging him to stay. But then a nurse told me something I’ll never forget. She said that it was more than likely that my dad was going to pass away and that I should maybe spend the last couple of days trying to make him feel better. That maybe I should tell him that it was ok for him to go because if he could understand me that he might feel awful that there was nothing he could do and that his loved one’s were sad. Maybe Kama you can find strength to tell him everything you wanted to say and talk to him about the good memories, thank him for all that he did and that if he was ready to leave then you understood and that he shouldn’t worry about your mom because you will take over where he left off. And then let God handle the rest. Take care Kama. I know that this is a difficult time but I wanted to give you another way of looking at things. Yes, it is difficult to let him go but maybe you will feel better if you change your mind set that his “time to go home” is coming and how happy he will be. He will have no more worries and no more fears. Take care Kama.
So sorry what you are going through, allow the memories to flow, embrass them help your Mom see his legacy when the time comes it will mean the world to her. It will be what gets her trough.
oh Kama, My tears are falling for you and my heart hurts too.What a hard time in life it is for you right now. I know this will probally be one of the hardest things to go threw but you are strong and God will help you threw this. As for your father, you need to think of how he feels. If he is gonna be limited and not able to be him , you know he wouldn’t want to be that way so you need to Ask God for grace and tell him it is ok.What W.W.said , you should go in his room and have you and him time.Tell him things you have always wanted to tell him and reminence with him too! If there is funny thing you remember , share them .I have been taking care of actively die-ing poeple for yours and I WANT you to know that they can hear till they take there last breath so be strong and go make those moments special. Help him enter into Glory land with pride. You are in my prayers and remember God is right there with you!Love ya Friend.You take care !I’m praying for Mom too….
Honey, I’m so sorry for your having to go through this. It comes to all of us one day, but that is small comfort when it’s your turn to let go. What WW said is so true. Make the most of the time you have, even if you think he can’t hear you or understand what you’re saying, it’s the saying it that counts. For both of you. Bless you and your mom and day. ooxx
Kama…I am so sorry you are hurting right now! I will pray for peace for you and your mom. Remember God is in control…and He is the Rock of our Salvation. A place of strength when we are weak, a strong tower and refuge in the storms. He loves you so much and He is with you…ALWAYS! Love you sweet sister!
Hi
I just happen to come across your blog tonight. I had to shed a tear. This must be one of the hardest thing a person could do. I agree with Wonderwoman let your father know how much you love him and that things will be ok. Trust that things will work out. Prayers and hugs for you. You are a very strong person.
((hug)) My heart is breaking for you. We love you and we are here for you. You will be strong and God will take care of dad until you can be reunited. Tell him that you love him and that you will see him again. If he can hear you, that should comfort him and you should tell yourself that too….when you see each other again, the both of you will be whole and he will be the same person that lives in all of those memories. He will be with you also for the rest of your time here. They never really go, becuase they live with us in our hearts. I am thnking about you.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this Kama. This must be awful. My prayers are with you, your mom and dad…I’m so sorry.
Much love is sent your way from me to you.
Prayer is the best thing and that is what I will continue to do!! I couldn’t imagine being in your shoes. Just know that there are many people on here that are sending out prayers for your Dad, your Mom, You and your family!! It has to be so heartbreaking for you but try to stay strong!! God will give you the strength!! Hug your parents and tell them how much you love them.
I am so sorry you are going throug this. It sounds like your dad is a very special man. I am very close to my dad as well so I know how bad you must be hurting. I’ll keep praying for you and your family.
Your dad sounds alot like mine. So I know he is a wonderful man. I know this is the hardest time in your life sweetheart. My thoughts & prayers are with you & your mom & your family.
God is with you and your family. Alpha and Omega
Sweetie, I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I know it isn’t easy…my dad was always my rock also. He was my “scarecrow” because it was the hardest saying goodbye to him when my husband got orders and we had to move across country. It was always the hardest saying goodbye to him at the end of family get togethers and whatnot. I for one say, don’t stop that flow of memories. Keep them coming and hold them close to your heart…never let em’ go. Again…I am so sorry you’re going through this. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you. Wish I could be there to hug you in person. ***hugs***
I have said a prayer for you and your mom to have strength, mercy, grace and wisdom during this fragile time. Your mom needs you more than ever by her side as she copes with her best friend, her hubby, her lover in the hospital. We are here for you always. No matter virtual, our hugs, prayers and support are reaching you.
Kama, I’m so sorry you are going through this. I can relate to what Wonderwoman wrote.
I watched my father wither away to 89 lbs. Throughout my high school and freshman college year I was his primary caretaker. From 15 to 18 yrs old I watched as my dad slowly deteriorate. The last day he was conscious of us and at home, was one of the worst night of my life. Both of my parents were sick and they didn’t understand that I needed to study for finals. Kama, I yelled at him to stop coughing and making so much noise, then I slam the door to my room. That was the last time I saw my dad’s eyes. A few minutes later my mom told me to call 911, he was so bad they took him to the nearest hospital. He slipped into a coma. I failed all of my classes because I spent most of my days at the hosptial. Two weeks later, we had that conference meeting with the doctor and the social worker. I made the decision to let him go. I knew he was no longer there. But I also knew he was in a better place. My father knew he was dying but he was ok with it - you see, he’s going to be with Jesus and I don’t have to worry about him anymore. He’s at peace. So I gave his hand a final squeeze, asked him to please squeeze my hand and if he did I would stop them from unplugging everything. But he was gone. SO I laid there by his and held his hand until there was no more heartbeat.
Kama, I don’t have alot to say right now because I can’t stop the tears that are falling for you.
He will live in sweetie, he will live on in your dreams and in your heart.
You and you’re family are in my thoughts and prayer.
Have a good night my friend. Keep us posted tomorrow.
Kama, I’m deeply sorry. I wish there was something I could do or say to make the pain go away–the memories are all we have when God calls our loved ones home. I lost my grandfather 7 years ago and every time I think of him, the tears keep rolling—I asked my mom if it will ever stop, but I guess the answer is that as long as he lives in my heart, he will go on…and so will you and mom. Do know that you and your family are in my heart and prayers.
Wish I could reach out and give you a big HUG!
Biggest HUGS!
No words can make you feel any better. I was daddy’s girl, three big brothers. He was disabled when I was three, passed when I was 35. After that long, you just don’t think they’re gonna leave you. you are in my heart and God is holding your hand. Make sure you tell him everything you want to, he’ll know. (((((((Kama)))))))
My dear, dear Kama. Grab the tissues honey and let it all out. Actually, I’m going to put this in an email. Love you!
Kama,
Im crying with you, my heart aches for you and your Mom…Im so so sorry. Praying for you all…
Kama,
I’m so sorry your father is not doing well. I can only imagine what you are feeling right now. Try to stay strong!
Hugs Kama I can only imagine what your going through. I have prayed and will continue praying for you and your family. More Hugs
I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I lost a loved one last week and I know what you mean about the memories. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts. (((HUGS)))
God girlie, I welled up when I read this. I didnt realise things were so bad with your Dad. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through right now. I really am. I wish there was something I could do, or we could do as a group to help you feel better, but we cant. We can just be here for you when you need us, by replying to your blogs and letting you know that you’re not alone in all of this.
Kama, always here for you ! I don’t know that stopping all those memories and floods of emotion is what you need to do! You are human and humans hurt sometimes, it’s part of life ! I love that you have such beautiful memories, hang onto those ! It’s okay to be emotional at this moment because it only shows how much of a loving, caring individual you are! If you need to talk you have my email! Hugs and prayers , I’m sending your way! Kimmi
